Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
