I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
