i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
