I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
