32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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