what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
