i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
