youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
