Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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