i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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