Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
