you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
