tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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