I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
