I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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