I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sext me about skeletons
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
