I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
