Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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