i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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