oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
