I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So squirting runs in the family.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
