i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
