Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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