What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
