i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
