I smell stomach acid.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
