I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
