Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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