So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
