Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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