Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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