in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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