piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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