he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
