Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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