THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
