It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Of course I have a pirate flag
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
