The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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