Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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