How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
