i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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