kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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