So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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