It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
