im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
