I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
