Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
