you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
