I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
