I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
