Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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