I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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