I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
