Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When did angry sex become our thing?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
