Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
