Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize