Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
