ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm really into asian looking animals
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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