This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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