You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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