i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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