i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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