This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
