at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
