Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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