I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
