I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
