There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
