Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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