i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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