doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
