My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
