How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
