hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
